More Pictures!!(click)

One more week before the next semester. Can't wait to go back!
But I love being around with my aunt and her family! It's so nice to have the Malaysian touch in the U.S life.

pic: Singing Karaoke for hours ~! Oldies from many many years ago!! cool hahaha

My aunt and her family! 

From left clockwise: Aunty Mitchell, Daphne(7), Jadan(2) and Uncle Jack. 

Virginia is for lovers (click)

Lots of food, lots of "sex on the beach" aka sushi and cocktails!

8 years reunion!

I guess the picture speaks for itself. Ken treated me a Chocolate Fondue after a delicious Japanese dinner.

Central Park and Broadway!(click)

God heard my prayers and gave me perfect weather after the 2 days of freezing cold.

After the dizzy merry-go-round business in the Subway ( I got lost again), I met Jose at the Natural History Museum, only to cancel our Museum trip for a long stroll in Central Park, which is right opposite the Museum. How can we resist the temptation of the nice weather, we didn't even need to wear our sweater!

Some of the most beautiful pictures of the day were taken inside the Central Park. We were thinking of riding on a cart but its $35 per person!!! nah.....Walking was much more fun and I could see images of movie appeared before me in this very park!

The Walk from Madison Ave back to 5th Ave was exhausting. Those shops were too high end for our eyes to see. The Pedestrians were all dressed up in fur coats and leather boots with big shopping bags from the famous brands of the world. We felt like we were at the wrong place! The only shop I dared go in is Jimmy Choo and that is because he is Malaysian. I wanna give him face. ahaha. Cheapest pair of shoes after 50 % off- $250.

Luckily we managed to escape. Shu Haur met me right after Jose left, and we went to discover that the Broadway show are all 50% off!! and we decided to watch the famous Phantom of the Opera, longest broadway show ever in history.

It is worth the money!!!Jamarla rushed in to the theatre the very last minute to join me for the Opera Ghost. The Chadeliar swung from the stage to the ceiling to open the play and the actors sang with their pure and flawless voice. It was such a splendid show! The costumes are so beautiful and the Phantom is such a tragic character. He is just another man who loves a beautiful woman.

All and all... a fun day!!

New York City!(click)

Clear weather today compared to yesterday! Lawton , my host for New York City managed to bring me around the uptown 5th Avenue of New York City and got a glimpse of the famous Christmas Tree in front of Rockefella Centre , Trump Tower, Empire Tower, Times Square etc.

All and all, the city is vibrant, exciting and lots of lights!
Not to mentioned my favorite part of the day's trip. MoMA ( Museum of Modern Arts ) where I see Picasso, Cezanne and Matisse' s famous paintings!!!

High Achievers

Obviously I am not talking about myself.

In the Midst of Finals, everyone on campus revealed their 'nerdiness' to everybody else. All the cafes are overcrowded with people buying coffees and energy drink to boost up their brain function. "All nighter" is the common answer for " How are you doing?", meaning staying up all night for studying.

Many of my peers came to me about not having enough confidence seeing that everybody else are excelling too. Mind you, this is Dartmouth, most of the people who got in are all high achievers, or so everybody else thinks. What happen to the other qualities that admission see in us? Aren't we somehow strive in our other areas such as leadership and artistic talents?

I wonder why people feel inferior around talented people. We are always competing with ourselves,not the others. Each of us has something to give, and if it is not academic, it would be something else. I tend to admire some of my talented peers but never make it an excuse to look down on myself. Why is there a need to condemn ourselves in this high institution that stress intellectual and humanitarian goals? Even thought we are people of color or non-American, that should not be a factor to be despair.

Instead to think of keeping everything to ourselves to avoid embarrassment (if there is), I find it better to put our ideas out there and welcome criticism. Most of the people here do not judge but provide different perspective to problems. The best thing of being students is that we are not compete with each other for survival, there are no cheating, power struggle or conspiracy involved in our learning process. Therefore why fear?

At the very same time as I was facing all this inferiority thoughts from my friends, I found the perfect article from a Dartmouth magazine. A black student from Pennsylvania got in to Dartmouth without receiving his friends' blessing. They thought that he never deserve Dartmouth's offer and thought he was only a factor of bringing diversity to the college. They overlook the fact that he is archieving too in high school and advised him not to be the "lowest of the cream". (Rather he should be the top student of an 'okay' college?!)His friends thought that he is going to Dartmouth to embarass himself by competiting with the best of the best. He was haunted by his best friends' "worry", he didn't do well in his first semester at Dartmouth. But as his grade slowly improved, he realized his own ability and become more apprieciative of the high education environment he is in.

"We are all here to learn, why does result matter as long we are learning?" True, if we learn with our whole heart, I do not think that the result will go any far away then our efforts put in. The learning process should be placed before the anticipation of the grade. Continue from the article, this black student graduated from Dartmouth and got admited to Havard as a graduate student. His friends must be embarrassed of even thinking that he is worthless of an Ivy League education.

Dear friends, if you are reading this, hope you are not pissing me off by saying you are not good enough for Dartmouth or anywhere else. You are selected or a reason, and don't even second guess the purpose of learning. It's never about competiting.

Turkey Meal

I was wrong when I said there would be no turkey meal for me.

Just to make a point, I did took mom's advice to add a clock of my local time on the blog.

The turkey meal made me through the day without a second meal!

So, my friend Motema from Lesotho met a nurse practitioner, Betsy when she was in her PE class. They got along pretty well and Betsy invited her over for a Thanksgiving meal. Of course, being her buddy, I tagged along. It was the best decision ever despite I have never met Betsy before.

Predictably, I woke up late at noon and started to walk over to Betsy's house, which is a 20 minutes walk off the campus, up the hills. Those houses were so pretty, almost like Norwegian wooden houses. It was the furthest distance I have ever walk in Hanover, yeah, everywhere is nearer than this! :P

The exercise was worth it, If not I will not be able to move for the rest of the day! We were greeted warmly by Betsy and her whole family- daughters, parents and siblings! Most of them are graduated from Dartmouth!

Grandpa Harry was a 44 ( it means he graduated at 1944) before he joint the navy and met his wife, Mary , who's a physical theraphist and become a MD, he is 86 years old now and still remember clearly about his life back then. Both Betsy and her husband Richard are 77s and they met with each other on a study abroad program of Dartmouth in Russia! Betsy is the second batch of Dartmouth girls in college. Dartmouth only started to recruit women in 1973. Both of them, like Harry also ended up in the medical field where Betsy's a nurse and Richard a 'mcdreamy'- pediatric neurologist( brain doctor specialized in children). Lastly, their oldest son too went to Dartmouth. The rest of the family didn't want to go to Dartmouth, basically they lived too near . haha.

It was altogether Grandma Mary, Grandpa Harry, Betsy's family with Rachel and Alex, and Richard's brother, Rob's family with his wife and children, Elisa, Evan and Ashley, two guests, Hue Min and Andy where Hue min is a Dartmouth graduate from Korea and now studies PHD in Space Science and was their host son, with me and motema on the long dining table. Champagne, white wine, red wine were served along with the Big turkey and other dressing- cranberry , gravy, sweet potatos, etc ( they are sophisticaly made and dilicious!!!)

In the midst of the meal, we took turn around the table and said things that we are thankful for in Thanksgiving. Most of them said the most wonderful things I have heard: Some thankful for the recovery from sicknest, Hue Min is thankful for being lucky and alive after hearing his classmate genocide story from Rwanda, Andy is finally going home to South Korea after 4 years, Grandma is thankful for peace and me thankful for my incredible journey of self discovery and change with acceptance and understanding from my family!

The meal ended with Grandma Mary reading poems of " Keep it goin" , " If", and " the Highway Man" , all meaningful fit to our day's context.

When Betsy, Rachel and Elisa were walking us back to the campus for our next Thanksgiving meal ( no, we didn't continue eating then) , we realized how relevant their Dartmouth experience is to our video project of Dartmouth History that we decided to hold an interview with them the very next morning. Last but not least, Betsy warmly welcome us to be their host daughters.

Though strong and independant that I like to think of myself, sometimes it is good to 'melt' and admit once in a while the need to be in the family atmosphere. Glad that the opportunity came by and I took it!

So my first Thanksgiving in USA, I got my first turkey and a host family!

Thanksgiving break

Dartmouth is very busy these few days. Students are busy packing and moving between bus stations to get to airport. Most of them are flying home for thanksgiving.

I was planning to go to New York but realized I need some air to just do my homework in a less time restricted atmosphere. My political anthropology paper and spanish exam will be due after this week, not to mentioned my 5 minutes movie is gonna be due next Monday. Yeah, Me and my groupmates are filming and editing a movie about history of Dartmouth and we chose the "Native American mascot"as our topic. Spent 4 hours just to edit the first 30 seconds, imagine the time need to be spent for the rest of the film.

Tonight will be another big night of performance. I , as usually will be drumming, but this time we have a more dramatic plot for the lion dance. ( it's gonna be drunk!!) ahaha. MTV dancers are coming in to lead audience to climax, not to mentioned there are other dance troups in dartmouth that will be performing.

Meanwhile, enjoyed winter shopping online and in second hand store. abit guilty of the money spent but it is necessary!! No turkey eating, but there are plenty of dinners for international student in thanksgiving, so no, I won't be lonely!!!

Tears and Excitement

That is how I would describe yesterday.

I watched the speech at midnight given by Obama, and saw how my friends in Dartmouth reacted to his speech.

Obama really does move people. All of my friends kept nodding and Oprah is crying amongst the crowd while he spoke about change and . It was really phenomenal. 

Later the next day, my writing professor cancel our class about the 'Gospels' and just solely talk about the elections that made history. It brings the people together again, but this time is not through tragedy but National Joy. People are ready to work with their leader instead of cynical towards the powerful authorities . Race is still an issue, but now at least there's no longer segregation and that Race is part of the judgment of choosing a leader. But Obama is only half black, technically he is half white and raised in south east asia. well. 

Then in the evening, I had the most interesting conversation with my floormate, who is born in California , raised in a typical Taiwanese family. I confessed to her that I was more nervous talking to her than to other international students because even though we are both chinese, we are born in completely different environment. That really determines whether we clique or not as "chinese" or whether we should find another things to connect both of us.

I guess I have to be openminded not only to people from other culture, but also with people from the same culture. though we hold expectations to one another because we assumed we are taught the same value systems and family values, there are always surprises how things turn out influenced by other factor than our race.

That just means that we are required to talk evenmore to work things out!! yeaah....i love to talk ( sacarsm)

To check out reactions of Dartmouth student of the victory of Obama , please go to the link here:

Dartmouth students on election night

Tears and Excitement (click)

That is how I would describe yesterday.
I watched the speech at midnight given by Obama, and saw how my friends in Dartmouth reacted to his speech.

Obama really does move people. All of my friends kept nodding and Oprah is crying amongst the crowd while he spoke about change and . It was really phenomenal.

Later the next day, my writing professor cancel our class about the 'Gospels' and just solely talk about the elections that made history. It brings the people together again, but this time is not through tragedy but National Joy. People are ready to work with their leader instead of cynical towards the powerful authorities . Race is still an issue, but now at least there's no longer segregation and that Race is part of the judgment of choosing a leader.

Then in the evening, I had the most interesting conversation with my floormate, who is born in California , raised in a typical Taiwanese family. I confessed to her that I was more nervous talking to her than to other international students because even though we are both chinese, we are born in completely different environment. That really determines whether we clique or not as "chinese" or whether we should find another things to connect both of us.

I guess I have to be openminded not only to people from other culture, but also with people from the same culture. though we hold expectations to one another because we assumed we are taught the same value systems and family values, there are always surprises how things turn out influenced by other factor than our race.

That just means that we are required to talk evenmore to work things out!! yeaah....i love to talk ( sacarsm)

Election heat!

It is a very weird feeling being in the midst of the U.S.A's election. When I was at home, I used to think that US is such a far away place to affect us, besides of course their currency.

On the streets, old people with their walking sticks, stood beside the traffic lights, carrying the large OBAMA cardboard. The way they encourage people to vote is to stand there for the whole day. It looked really funny to me, but it was inspiring too. I got some pins and tags as I walked pass their determined eyes.

In the classrooms, all professors of all three subjects are using election as part of their teaching tool. My Writing class showed the election campaign of 1952 and we discussed about visual argument. Interesting enough, the image that the Republicans and Democrats portrayed 50 something years ago still lasted till today.

My political Anthropology class always offer an inside view of the politics scene in USA. Being such an expert in his field- muslim politics, my prof has been dealing with a lot of 'suspected' icons in the Islamic world thus encountered with CIAs and FBIs. Today we discussed about how the vertical hierachy/beuracracy system in the Intelligence unit made themselves even less efficient than the newspaper in passing out information. Even though the people in the unit has already hold evidence that certain country does not own massive weapons, the 'boss' always use 'prove me otherwise' or ' not enough evidence' to brush them off. I feel that I am in an action movie like Bourne Identity when I heard of all these fascinating inside story. Once, my prof even got questioned by the Intelligence for showing SH's (guess who) video in the class.

The students of course, showed an unusual passion ( in my opinion) towards the whole election. Obama and McCain from their campaigning, sounded like one of their best mates and we should really look out for them. Two of my floormates even bet to shave and dye their hair blonde ( he's a chinese) if their favourite candidate loses. These two days, whole of the campus gone crazy by having students volunteered around the campus shouting " have you voted?" and distributing more and more flyers of the smiling Obama and Palin ( McCain does not really look appealing in flyers) in our resident halls, in the bathrooms, dining hall, restaurants, you name it. Dartmouth Students have a weird advertising method of writing on every single pavement with Chalks to increase publicity. Guess it works, today's world is all about image manipulation, whether or not we truly understand what politics is about.

Having my mom more excited about the election than I do, I seriously hope that I could help witness tonight's historical moment.

Halloween weekend and Jose's visit ( click)

I know I am not doing my job updating.
But these pictures speak for themselves. Enjoy!

Si Jie

HOMECOMING WEEKEND !!(CLICK)

On the green!

Another two weeks of roller coaster ride

English Writing

We finally finish the whole book. It was a great training to raise questions about the Author's message in his complicated novel that deals with self, immortality, love, being and power. As we are approaching towards writing a paper, I am nervous but as well excited about the whole 'taking-to-the-next-step' . Karen is known for her tough teaching style but I know that she will always be there for us whenever we need her. Right now the class just needs to be less 'showing off' and really learn how to work together, listen and breath together. My teacher assistant, Elma acknowledged some of my ideas in class and that I have to trust my intuition more. 

Political Anthropology

As difficult as the readings go, it is undoubtedly an interesting course. Women, politics, equality and religion have always play a huge roles in our daily lives. Being the only international student in the class, my professor really appreciate my input from my part of the world and continue to encourage me regardless of my insecurity of my argument. Well known for my procrastination, I ought to 'reserve' more time to reflect on the class discussion ( which are posted online). Jump in dive in....

Spanish

It is totally nonsense to think that I am better because I have taken Spanish before. All language takes time to learn. I realized that it is important for me to stay on the ground and always revise the lesson that I am suppose to prepare before classes. Spanish is always evolving and there are more than 20 countries using it, therefore the vocabulary I am learning now is quite different than before. Welcome to the american version of Spanish. I forgotten to hand in my homework last week. Ooops!

UWC friends

When you are train to think 'internationally', you tend to see things clearer. We ask for more, we wish to see souls instead of one's surface self. I am glad I met more interesting UWC graduates whom some are my classmates. We spent some qualify time together. Unforgettable lunch and dinner conversation, cheers for the Big Green ( Dartmouth soccer team) in a soccer match and dancing together in the lounge...

I am glad my pals are still remembering me. Jose, Tekber, Tenzing, Liu xu have made my day by just being on the other side of the phone. Hope Jose can really make it to Dartmouth during Thanksgiving, then I will be more content. 

new friends- football match

There are social activities like Korean Association , Taiwanese A, Asian A and even Jewish Group where there invite people for free food. As 12s (freshmen), we are lucky enough to have less obligations and could shop around the associations and meet new people. I have made some common friends and friends of friends by just attending those events. We had really cozy bowling night out last Friday in Hanover follow by Korean food buffet where I met more Asians with the same eyes and hair colors. Yeah, I am extending my diversity network.  

social night outs- lone pine, apple zaple, Mate

The latinos always have this social get-together where  you sit around in a circle and drink mate ( their type of tea) from the same cup and same 'metal' straw. Nice to just chill out and play card games, at the meantime listen to a Poem Competition in the Lone Pine ( a bar in the college). The fact that I am in a non-drinking night out is already a bless for me, you really need to dig and think and schedule for this things to happen, therefore it tends to be taken for granted to just go to fraternities and expect drinking party. 

floor-mates

We had mini golf tournament out of I am  as our 'goal' in our hallway and got a warning! 

World Percussion

I am having regular rehearsals on Monday and Wednesday evenings. Hafiz is an extremely talented drummer who is leading the African drumming ensembles. I am really looking forward to our performance in November which incorporate with R&B numbers and songs.

I am currently lying on the middle of the green field and enjoy the last few sunny days before the winter comes. I have to come out more often and exercise!!

Schedule Dartmouth

Hey peeps,

If I am not writing too much, its because I am too busy running around the campus , trying to catch up on what is happening in the new place they call Home and getting familiar with how things work in this part of the world.

The time difference is really driving me crazy, most of my effort to call somebody drown in 'salty water' . Even friends in the states, I am not able to catch them up .

I returned my room every night almost midnight or later because of the series of events ranging from floor meeting to night social events. Many A Capella groups and Dance troupes showed their talents and invited the freshmen for audition. Still considering it...

I bought my first Dartmouth hoody sweater and welcome myself to the friendly campus and class of 2012. The seniors are so fun to watch and always create and answer more questions to fill us up. They convinced us that the faculty too are really interested in teaching, if not they won't be here at Dartmouth. Here they provide maximum opportunities for undergraduate to participate in research, study abroad program and working side by side by professors with studies that interest us and not necessary our major.

My new Mac is fantastic but I couldn't install the most important 'voipstunt' that i have been using forever to connect with friends and family. Hopefully when things are settling down I can sort out alternative ways to call.

Anyways, enough of rambling, tomorrow will be convocation, class picture of 1097 freshmen and breakfast with my floor mates.

Hope these few information can fill you guys up about my two weeks here in Dartmouth!

President Bush In Mercy Centre! (click)

President

A space between myself and the world

I am two months different than before.
I just turned into an adult, waiting to be irresponsible in the college.
I took up a job, that has change my whole life and my perspective about the corporate world.
I hooked up with the past with lots of gatherings and also preparing for the 'bright' unclear future.
I am finding the space between myself and the world...

Having most of my time occupied in the day, working in a hectic environment with the most interesting summer job, I realized I have not been facing myself for a while now. Not to mention that I have left this blog -the medium for me to look into my soul and reflecting my feelings and thoughts untouched, I was also driven into a new pace that I am still not used to.

Funny for me to announce that I have found my key to freedom, where freedom could superficially means getting home late and drinking unconsciously. Many told me that I might be used in the states for buying drinks since I am now in the legal age. Getting into clubs is no longer a trouble. In fact, I am writing this entry just after a night out.

Knowing lots of things about the other parts of the world doesn't mean that I am living my life meaningfully right now. KL is not really a happening scene , or at least My life here doesn't allow me to explore much. I am not finding it out. It amazed me how little i know about my own city when my UWC friends, Cheryl, Mariam , Turid, Maciej and Game came down for a visit. I was busy finding the right train stations and the right restaurant to them. The hippiest chinese restaurant in town to bars on top of the hotel. Perhaps no one would disagree with me when I say missing UWC is more about the conversation than anything else. The conversation which we can all engaged in with understanding and also able to speak our thoughts without fearing much 'taboos'. We are all fighting our own culture taboos in one way or another.

Thanks to luck, my boss allows me to be who I want to be. Our conversations in the office always made my day and life is never dull again. We discuss about various issues from economics to politics and to the future aspect of my career. Being a long time observer of my kind(Chinese), there are always real life example to be brought and lessons learned from trying to choose the right husband. haha. Our culture really does have some ridiculous measures when it comes to career and relationship. Will I ever be influenced or completely got out of it?

The job itself, being involved in a recruitment project for an international company, has been challenging than ever. Two months ago I will never guessed that I could know so much about the oil and gas industry, to such extend that I can communicate with professionals from all over the world where we could discuss about their technical skills and their working experience. I am amazed by how things worked out. Personal Relationship really does influence the outcome of events. One call from a family friend helped tie my relationship with the company and thus the project. If I stay long enough, who knows what other opportunity would come right in front of me ?

Then it was the hooking up. Frankly, I would prefer to be hooked up with new people for new stories. Although it is nice to reminiscing with the past and the clumsy me of year 200x, somehow I am craving to know the inner thoughts of these good old friends. From hill top gathering to fancy karaoke sessions and Mamaks, will there ever be a gathering to discuss about our new interest and new life after separated our paths 4 years ago? I wonder playing in the orchestra means anything to me anymore. Glad that even losing some really important friends in my life, I am able to stand up for the rest. I have to love myself more. Not by creating an image that everybody else expects but to be happy with who I am right now. Every experience helped me evolve and I love the new me even more each day.

I have always enjoy teaching. I came across one orphanage in my city after HDF and I found so much similarities in the children here in my own place and in the Bangkok slums. They are equally smart and tacky and always find ways to seek for love. I have the ability to hang out with the little ones not only in Thai, but also my own language! I am even better teaching drawing in Mandarin. Their stories are equally heart breaking and they made me miss Thailand even more. How much love could I be giving out and how am I going to distribute my love to the a new bunch of people? Is that a simple division or is it more complicated than an advanced math questions?

I really hope that even though I am in a middle of a deadline at work and hectic lifestyle with ongoing events, I will find my space, a space only for myself, before reaching out to a whole new world in a month time.

An article for the National Committee Malaysia(click)

You will never realize have much have you learn until you sum it up, reflect upon it and write it down!

New Job!!!

Working in the office is….Quiet.

I can tell that people are curious, wondering, but still they stay calm. No gossips, no questions. Just random small talks.

It allows me to think, to organize, to clear my mind and start thinking again.

Nobody is limiting the workload nor telling me how many cases I should handle per day. BTW I am working for a recruiting company. Yeah, where they help people find company and help Company find people. Very interesting….

This marks my first time working with Malaysians in a multiracial office. It is quiet significant as I was never arranged in this kind of setting before.

Not to mention the commuting to and from work, it was a mixture of ….SMELL!!

From food vendors, to the train and then the light rail transit, It was a scent that transfers and evolves from fragrance in the morning and smoke at the station into the sweat and breath in the middle of a crowded train. I still remember my fellow volunteer friend, Jodie likes to warn people beforehand that she doesn’t like to be touched. “I just don’t like the feeling of being touched!”

Well, Jodie, you should try our train!!! After the dramas of the increasing oil price, this is what I get ….all the SMELL!!!

No more bumping!

By the time I realized, I have been to the airport three times in a row and the last time, I was the one saying goodbye.

It wasn't as dramatic I imagined. I have experienced that feeling before. Its just a farewell revisited, one of the many farewells I have in my life now.

Glad that I didn't regret not spending enough moment with my love ones in Thailand. It has been a special experience and these eight months has shaped another part of me.

I discovered how to become the most down to earth person in the world and spend the least you can on things, and then realize how comfortable is at home that you wouldn't mind spending extra for the comfort. Balancing the two idea can be a knowledge of a lifetime.

First thing I was being nagged about at home was how NOT picky I am with food anymore. All I need is rice for all three meals! Not even considering the variety nor the taste. I will be pampered for the next two months and I know its Okay since i will be going off again on my own.
This marks the ending of Thailand, but another beginning of my journey, soon.

MERCY ON CNN!(CLICK)

I was right beside Nitaya when the picture was taken!:P

Do I want the opportunity?

The last few days of volunteering have been extremely easy and reluctant. Not much responsibility, even I do, we can’t really stay here to catch on the waves of Mercy or observe the consequences of our work.

As my laptop screen’s crack getting worse each day, which is a big urge for me to get everything on together, including burning all the information off the laptop, getting pictures processed for the kids, getting my art projects in the graphic room done, though I merely make half the progress.

I don’t really think I have made big achievements here, but one of the things that I am proud of most is that I am willing to share my thoughts and insight about the place. I hoped that the scholarships Mercy receive for the UWC could reach out for more candidates, so I suggested a presentation on the school with the sponsorship department. As I have been rejected presenting it in my own high school back in Malaysia. I am aware of the kind of people I am facing and my goal of the day.

Back home, the reason of objecting the presentation is “Why are you giving so many people hope where they can easily settle down in a local college. This scholarship is only for the smart ones and there aren’t many here.”

I felt the protective voice from the teacher. However, I also recognized that this has always been the case for an adult. They always trying to measure what we really want or what we can really succeed as in the future without really know what is really inside our little mind. In this case, Mercy is measuring the needs for the kids in the community.

I wanted to motivate souls like how I used to be moved by even the slightest challenge by a speaker on stage. I want to sing when I hear beautiful melodies, I want to drums along every rhythm I possibly come across and definitely not miss a slightest chance towards a big opportunity to make me into a better person.

Once again I was disappointed because my presentation about studying abroad to the slum kids is not likely to happen. I thought it was due to the absence of a translator, I was a little frustrated and pissed off about it. They seemed to be no solution since all other dates were booked. The clock is ticking and I am off in 16 days.

I went straight into the Manager office trying to ask for another arrangement. Turns out to be there are other reasons behind that.

“Slum kids are different than Mercy kids, but they are not a lot different. They tried their best to not be caught playing dirty, even their parents are among the plan. We gave out scholarship, but we have problems getting them to school. We subsidized stationeries and uniforms by receipts and we caught somebody faking receipts to get extra money. Since school is free, they spend school time selling god knows what on the street to get extra income for their family.”

Although I am not sure how large percentage that these problems happen to the group of hundreds sponsorship kids, I am undermining my own assumption that sponsorship kids will be more ready to face a different challenge than the difficult slum life. If they and their family still need constant monitoring from Mercy staffs, is it up to Mercy to think for them and their children what they need for an education? Half of the students doesn’t even make it to grade 10 and has to attend vocational school. That is not a shame. It is because Mercy stops trying to push them too hard, and push them too far from their own potential. We are praying for miracle to get hungry, deeply influenced by the environment, malnutrition, problematic-with-all-sorts-of-issues kids to do brilliantly at school and would be interested in furthering studies abroad.

That would mean investing more than 50 percent of their time starting from 0 to work on English, conversation, vocabulary and grammar where they could actually go somewhere else and sell t-shirts to earn some pocket money. Studying more doesn’t make their family full. Who am I to blame that they just don’t work hard enough to get good grades?

That is why we have Sister Joan giving milk run to the babies in the slums, just to have the right nutrition for the brain so that they can learn like the other kids. She also makes up for the uniforms, shoes, things to use at school so that the children and their parents can have enough time focusing on their homework instead of the school fees.

“We are helping them to help themselves. It is not a quick process, we must start from the right direction,” say Sister Joan as I was in yet another milk run of hers today.

It is not about me telling others how wonderful my life has been and how much experience I got that has changed my perspective of the world. It is about one having full attendance to school no matter how badly they performed. It is to secure them a place in their own society, not to make them an outsider.

One of our elder boys tried and got disappointed too many times. He was so down and it made the staffs felt guilty trying to make him a Somebody. He is now happily patrolling as a security guard at Mercy.

In the short run, slum kids will not sacrifice time for the fast but little flow of money on a daily basis for the big family. Education level will still remain low. Until enough subsidies is given to a family so that teenagers will not be burdened on supporting their elders and young anymore, will they make a decision by their own whether to learn more about the world beyond the four walls of family, country, the king and their world.

Looks like I am not witnessing it any sooner.

pic: the sea-gypsy kids are the main challenge of Mercy. One little step at each time.

Survivors!!(click)

Everybody thought I would cry myself out after experiencing this incident: ten ten ten ten...
yeah...I was bitten by a dog!!

8 doses of injection all together, plus taking care of the seemingly horrible deep scratch. Yet I have seen more severe cases these few days...

Sai chun, a kid who survived being in a rubbish dump for years, was announced by the doctor, that there is no hope for his eyes...He is going to school for the blind next Tuesday, learning braille, and he is excited about it.

The slum community has to survive the price inflation of the Rice, even the 5 year-old kindergarten kids were discussing about it!

A dear friend of my friend, who was always the smartest and top of the class, was put into coma two years ago after a motorcycle incident, could only blink his eyes. Today I saw him walking and talking to his best friends in a wedding, catching up the old days. Although he still speaks slowly and unable to read or write, he is determined to be a normal person again.

The kids at mercy don't get much pocket money, but I am lucky enough to see how they got extra money, by trading their favourite toy under one's pillow for 50 baht with the other kids. They sealed the deal quietly, skillfully, quickly!

Jodie and Misty are not worry bout adapting in Bangkok, rather how different they will be when they go back home. I wonder the same applies to me, seems that I have to work it out one more time.

'The Eagles catching little chicks' game that we used to play back home, it is called the " Father kidnapping child " here.

Hope there will be more survivors in Burma and China!

After making Sago cake with the AIDS patients, I got to know the patients so much more and we became close friends. However, the hospice is not an area of long stay. Those who got healthier will go home. I have to say goodbye to some of them next week. They are the survivors for the decease since they are able to live a relatively normal life compare to the rest.

Galong , a down-syndrome man in his 40s came back from the other province of Thailand. He got skinnier because he is missing his house father of 15 years, the elder boys home had been dismissed, due to attitude problems and he has lost his family. He has to stay with the younger boys now.

M, a mercy 1 kid who is in temple due to attitude problems, stole from a monk's room! He will stay in detention in the temple ...

We finally put up a workshop with Jodie teaching about how to help kids with autism. I tried to translate some of it and left the rest to the more experienced nurse. A success I think!

Hope you may find these survivor stories inspiring for you too!

What they told you about the scary border, its true.

So I have to get out from Thailand because my visa is expiring. The best, cheapest and easiest way, one staff told me, is to act like Gamblers and hop into the Bus specially for Gamblers to go to the Casinos at the Cambodian Borders. Yeah, 9 Casinos are there right after the immigration office.

Well, when I said best, cheapest and easiest, you can imagine the disadvantages of that. People from around the world will flow in to get stamps from the officer just to stay longer in Thailand for example. It is not the safest place to start off with.

First Incident was the bus. Getting up the bus is easy, but they have to charge double the price because I am not Thai. " We will have to explain to the officer, " They said. Thai price- 100Baht, Me- 200Baht. It wasn't exactly rip off since its so cheap still. So I didn't mind it.

3 hours later, I arrived at the border.

It wasn't at all the border I was imagining in my head. It was more of like a market place with full of locals(Cambodians) wandering around, muddy, with kids carrying babies, begging.
The signs were not really clear that it is a border instead of a market. Once in a while, English words popped out and say " Foreigners, turn here", then it got lost again.

Getting from the departure hall is easy, but in the Cambodian borders, things were starting to get messy. I have locals following me and tell me that they are showing me the way to the immigration office. But what really happened is they will lead me to a room where all the officers are chatting and eating, and then occasionally looked up at me.

"500 baht", they said, " Then you can leave here at no time".

I have read from the internet that it is totally free for Malaysians to get stamps and we don't even need a visa to stay in their country. So I refused , saying that I have no money, and then I walked further down the road, still one person is following me.

Still no English plates. I guessed I looked lost, that is why this guy is ' trying to help', only to asked for tips at the end. Then the prices started to decrease as I walked further down the road. 300, 200, but I still refused to do that.

Finally, I met with two kind Malaysians who has been working in Minburi, Thailand for a while. I felt relieved right after hearing them speaking Hokkien, the chinese dialect that I am familiar with. Immediately I asked for rectification in Chinese. They said the officers will always do that if we tell them I am only here for the day, since we are "taking advantage" of them.

The officers, having my passport, waiting for my payment, got the clue that I understand after I talked to these two men. So , he just quickly returned my passport without any word.

I walked myself back to the Bus. Again they charged me for 200 Baht, which I have expected. Then, I thought I will be going home comfortably. How stupid, borders are always full of surprise and adventure!

One officer went up the bus and checked our passports. Turns out that one Cambodian has sneaked in to our bus. Aiks! More questioning and checking for the rest of the hour before the bus can really continue the journey.

All these , including the dramas, took me 10 hours to get back to Bangkok. I am still thankful I guess, because , it is still the cheapest, fastest, easiest way to get out and in from a country.

the River Cruise

pic 0: vanessa and the kids on the boat

pic 1: the kids getting the plants out from the river

pic 2: me and Bird, notice my new hairstyle!

pic 3: from near, Sai chun, Misty and fook on the paddle boat at Lumphini Park

pic 4: the Grand palace from the river cruise

Another trip to the Chao Phraya River within 7 days, thanks to Vanessa generosity. This time, I suggested to bring my fellow house mates (Jodie called them outcast of Mercy 2) Bird( a boy with autism), Sai Chun ( is getting blind) and Fook ( has weak IQ).

Fook has never been on the boat trip, he is new to the Mercy family, hence he has been elated the whole time, he named and shouted every thing he saw from the trip; Sai Chun vision is getting worse, so he has to depend on Misty’s Camera screen to see the beautiful scenery along the river; while Bird has longed for freedom for sometime now, most of the summer holiday, he spent time with himself, sitting at a corner of the house, talking with his imaginary friend or studying the pictures from the outdated baby magazines.

Chao Phraya River was filled with floating plants. None of us knew where those plants come from. According to the boat driver, they were floated in from Ayutthaya due to heavy rainstorm. Even the cyclone in Burma has something to do with these plants too I guess. So it is no wonder the boat is so much slower, avoiding ‘traffic’ of leaves, the kids didn’t even get to play with the water.

I am not gonna "ooooo" and "aaaaaa" about the whole departing from the hi-class Oriental hotel and the pretty delicious picnics, for me, the nicest part is to see Bird , Fook and Sai Chun having some time out. After saying good bye to Vanessa, Misty, Jodie and I brought them to the Lumphini Park. Once again, we sat on the paddling boats, taking pictures while the boys were in action, bumping into each other, seeing the greenery, feeding the fish etc.

Vanessa is an international photographer who has been visiting Mercy for five years. She has been taking pictures of the Mercy kids and produced a book called ‘Slaughterhouse Angels’. Faces that I known by heart will be published throughout the world and all profits will go to Mercy Centre. Funny thing is the kids don’t even know how famous they will be in the next few months.

I seemed to do a great job translating English to Thai throughout this trip. Applause!!!

"I am not a perfect person... "there goes my ringtone(click)

I am not a perfect person...there's many things I wish I never do....

Since high school graduation, this song has embedded in my head, reminding me how fragile is human and they will never be perfect. We are facing a journey in a place that is called "society" and that place is never as beautiful as high school's life.

Thinking back the stories I have heard and experienced the past few days, there is no reason for me to be sad about life, but celebrate every moment, every mistakes, every conflict that I am facing...

My dear friend Ju liang, is still facing the task that is given by God and looking forward to life after his winding road ( www.forgiven-by-grace.blogspot.com) . Ever since meeting him last August, I have always prayed for his recovery from a sickness that rarely hit a teenage like him. I lost touch for a moment when I didn't receive reply from him via SMS during his 21st birthday, which is on the same day as my sister, only to find out that he is receiving treatment in Singapore . What a relief!

My blind little friend, Nong Pae, has started school in a school for blind. For one month, I have missed seeing her walking around with her wheel supporter in Mercy 6. As I finally approached her last Wednesday, I was really worried that she might not remember me.

"Nong Pae, do you remember me? How are you?"

Two minutes passed by, and finally, I found a grin from her sleepy face. She continued to be so happy and elated, and she showed me skills that she could finally do by her own. She could get up and get down from her bed by herself, eat her meal by herself, touch the right part of body as we say it and is all excited for her new school !

I met two new friends from the AID hospice too. One was a he, she now calls herself Nancy, an outgoing person who loves to meet people from different culture. His arrival in the ward is what connects the volunteers to all other patients. Through her, we see other patients as individual and friends that we will be starting to care in the future. Ma ma, on the other hand, is a 51-year-old women who is a hard worker her whole life. From nail pedicure to sewing and making up for the opera performers, she raised her 32-year-old son independently. Who would thought her partner of 7 years was cheating her and gave her the virus?

Congratulations to my dear cousin Ian, who got a full scholarship to Singapore, and my dear sister , who is preparing for Canada!

Jealousy, insecurity, disrespectful, culturaly justifiable attitudes, Please leave me alone!

Rain drops keep falling on my head

Weird weather, right after the hottest Songkran festival, now comes the Rain.

The Rain Storm reminded how little I heard thunder and seen lightning in Bangkok. Not to mention what kind of impact does it bring to the slum communities.

Slum houses are fragile. Leakage, electricity, stability problems occur during the rainy season.

While I was enjoying the night of rhythms with the rain, I heard news that one grandmother has passed away protecting her grandchild from a tree that has smashed into their wooden house. She was found dead hugging the crying child.

Street vendors, who form a large majority in the slums, will have trouble hiding from the rain. Business will be affected.

Nowhere to go to , people have to hide in their little box...I am just making all the problems up by myself, I am sure there is more.....

Water war!(click)

What could be more lucky to celebrate the Songkran Festival ( Thai’s New Year) in Chiang Mai? The most famous spot for tourism during this period, you see people rushing in from all around Thailand, including the foreigners, getting ready for action. “A chance to get hold of all the best looking boys in Thailand!” commented a girl friend.

• First, you had a choice, land or at the back of the truck, then you choose your tools. For land, you just need to find a spot along the busy road next to the Klong (river that was filtered, cleaned specially by the government) , and buy a 20 baht bucket with the string;
• For the back of the truck, you need to get a driver( to stop for water refilling and who is not tempted to play) , then a big bucket of water or ice water, and small pails.
• Procedure: you grab the string and throw the bucket into the Klong as fast as you can, fill up the bucket and start splashing on whoever you see( well, you usually look for the good-looking ones, or handsome foreigners!). For maximum effect, wear a sexier top, or light color shirts and shorts that can instantly revealed your body shape!
• Well, the actual meaning of the Songklan is of course not to soaked into a water war, but more like a new beginning, washing away all the bad lucks or wrong doings and start new. At the beginning of the day, a trip to a temple to ask for forgiveness and make donations (make merit) is a must!
• It is a day to loose all your guards towards people, a day to only allow happy emotions flow in, a day to give the biggest smile to a person worth giving, even you have not seen him or her before, the only effort to grab his or her attention is just as simple as a water war!

Another New Year?!(click)

• The initial plan was to visit Yushan in Naan one week before she returns to Singapore, turns out that there are third parties who were doing the same! Flew in from the familiar part of the north hemisphere, Somlak made her connections with Game’s and Mee’s parents, and surprised me and Yushan with a RCN gathering in the middle of the Naan jungle!

• Yushan’s volunteering work is very different than mine; it was more on the development and preservations on the environment. For the first time, I found out complicated process of agriculture and also how people avoid long hours of work by just burning the remaining of the plants after harvesting.

• Took ten hours or more to reach Naan, the province very north of Thailand, ( read a good book: Mister Pip) then the very next day, Game’s father brought us south to the Sukhothai Province, the oldest city/kingdom of Thailand, or so it was speculated.

• Besides taking all the MTV shots with the Historical Park of Sukhothai, acknowledge by the World Heritage of UNESCO, we had endless conversation in the car, during meals, in the park; I only got to know Somlak so much more besides the fact that she was the House Mentor of Finland House, not to mention all the juicy memories she has about all the Finland House members back to the time beyond my existence there!

• The most beautiful golden Buddha in Pisanulok, the province next to Shukhothai, stood right infront of me- it was believed that the god has sent a craftsman from heaven to make this golden statue and he disappeared once it was done! I wish I could have a longer glimpse on it for we had to catch a train which was scheduled half an hour later, only to find out that it has been delayed for 4 hours~!

• An actual road trip. I hopped in my colleague’s car half way in Kam Peng Phet from Sukhothai and there I was, taking on a road trip, stopping in every province along the way to see the most-talk-about-temples, food stalls, fruit stalls, and local snacks. Hey, that’s what Thailand is made out of- temples and food!

• Wat Rong Khun, an outstanding temple designed by the contemporary artist, which related me directly to the Sagrada de Familia in Barcelona. A pleasant surprise in Chiang Rai. How come it has not gotten as much attention as the Cathedral?

• On the other hand, Bangkok has turned into a strange city. A city so quiet and slow. The smooth traffic and the unfamiliar accent from the ticket collectors all showed signs of the huge change of crowd. The city was abandoned for home, and the outskirts find job slots to fill in during the peak period of traveling, half of the city is gone.

• One place to another takes only half of the regular timing, and the ticket collector’s friendly outskirt’s accent reexamined the distance between the attitudes of the Bangkok citizens. This temporary friendliness of the city only last for a few days, and it’s a bit annoying, because you know the familiar smoky, nosy, noisy Bangkok will be back again.

Meeting the 'Cownadians'

Being the only Malaysian among the Thai is sort of like adapting. But being Malaysian in a group of Canadian is another story.

Saturday was the day when I have met the largest group of Canadian gathering in one place, Bangkok. I think it was the same situation for Jodie and Misty too.

From initially the connection from Jodie where her neighbor’s nephew is working in the Canadian embassy, we ended up mingling with all the diplomats who has been traveling half the globe and have tones of different cultural experiences.

Listening to their story is like one of those career talks that you can imagine what is like to be in their working field. Dangers, negotiations, bureaucracies, decisions…Especially when Chuck, a Lebanon born Canadian described his facing of the Tsunami attacks and how he walked on the beach to identify corpses and dying Canadians back to their country.

Singapore, Japan, South Korean, Pakistan,

Friends who have been colleagues in different countries gathered to celebrate the fellow colleague’s birthday. A party which was not exactly how I imagine, there were more talking than dancing or loud music, and all three of us ended up thirsty and leg soured.

I have always been interested in a work where traveling is a requirement, to face the different challenges and also to solve problems which I may never handle before. Then there is a problem of identifying the term “Home” and “Settling down”. What if you have a spouse and children, how will they adapt to your work and situation? Will they have to quit their job and follow along or you will commit into a long distance relationship?

We chatted about all those problems and questions that just popped up in my head, and of course about those funny encounters when you meet the locals. But that night, neither of us are locals.

Meditation Trip (click)

第一天的坐禅—脑海里一直在寻找熟悉的佛理、道理。可是这里的“窿坡”和尚（驻持）根本没有在帮忙。说泰语还不太要紧，可是讲的时候根本没有张开嘴巴，那才糟糕，真的是在考验我的定力！后来我才发现，他已经在那山上的那座庙住了整整的三十四年，说教了整整二十几年，也从此没有再下山了。他在今世的使命就是说教，让有智慧且诚心的凡人可以上山去领悟到佛法佛道。当然，这已经挑起了我的不甘，我当然得有智慧了！

戒、定、慧；贪、嗔、痴；我潜意识里知道佛教就是围绕在这几个字里，可是我这几天将会挣扎着从医对泰语中找寻它们的影子。这里的尼姑都特别漂亮，和尚们也非常的好看，对不起啊，我这凡人就是观察着这些，当然我对漂亮的诠释是看起来特别有智慧，有仪表，且非常高贵。尼姑们在和尚没有说教时教我们念泰文佛经。因为听起来特别酷，我在空闲时教孩子们读给我听，好让我用拼音记下他们的读音……

不知道是否实习佛的人不杀生，这庙里到处是猴子和流浪狗，活像西游记的水帘洞，还有少不了的灵猴怪癖，老爱偷吃，偷看，偷内衣内裤；而流浪狗就老爱趁钟声响起时长啸个不停；容纳着三十四个人的小睡房的地板中更是藏着我们所不知的小小动物乐园，在我们熟睡时过来咬我们的衣服不指，还想吃我们的肉！

这庙就让我想起小时候拿来玩弄别人的故事：从前有座山，山里有座庙，庙里有个小和尚，小和尚在讲故事，他说：从前有座山，山里有座庙，庙里有个小和尚……只要把‘老’字代替‘小’字，这里真得很像那座山。从没有钱时的山洞中打坐，到现在的富丽堂皇，金色佛像建座沿在山岩中，小和尚也都变老了，不变的是他每天都在“讲故事” ……

这五天里的作息就是：早晨四点半在暗暗的山洞里念经；六点吃粥；七点“走”禅；七点半听 “窿坡”说教； 十点最后一次吃饭（对，晚上没得吃）；一点活动；三点再听教，四点念经；七点听老师简说佛法；还有最后一次的听教在晚上9点。十点熄灯。

第一天下来，我都快不知所措了。幸好，我坚持下去。 念经时享受孩子们的童音；听教时，学习运气到身体的各部分（还包括打瞌睡）；活动时教孩子们画画（还画幅肖像画给尼姑）；最值得的是我可以听明白老师的简说佛法， 她以丰富的经验和节奏用故事来吸引小孩子们的注意力，进而让他们吸收她所要表达的教诲。 我曾经是个爱听故事的孩子，这让我有了很大的灵感，想要找更多的故事来继续我在曼谷的教书“生涯”。最后一晚，我还有幸的和这一位老师聊天，说着这几个月来教书的烦恼。

人生里，有多少机会让你慢下来？听着你自己的呼吸声？一步分三个步奏来走：右、准备、踏；左、准备、踏……当时我都快跌倒了，因为没有试过走那么慢！真的有轮回这回事吗？我只听进尼姑的这句话：“在这陌生的地方和语言，你都能这么容易的被接受，这证明前生，你和这一班人是非常要好得家人，朋友。也可能，是因为你的可爱吧！”

Disasterous Phuket(Click)

Who will believe that the fantasy Phuket trip has contribute to the worst case scenario that I would never imagine?

Headache, Dhirea, Fever all came to me at once, pounding through every inch of my skin. My god! Food Poisoning!

Must be the Seafood, must be the water I drank, must be the street vendor's pancake, must be the crabs, must be I have accidentally kill a crab! Must be.......

Only glimpse of the white sandy beach, clear blue sky, my journey was focusing on the sea gypsy kids and the other students from different high school from around Phuket, where some of them experienced the devastated Tsunami four years ago.

It was a top choice for travelers, royalties, celebrities, but its huge tourism didn't really help the kids in Phuket to go to school, access to education, learn to write or read. The Government once declared that Thailand has gotten 96% of the population out of illiteracy. What a joke! the Chief of Kids sponsorship said.

Besides having workshop for them, sponsoring their education, one of the big upcoming projects is to have the sea gypsies come to Bangkok and live in Mercy Centre. Learn English! Father Joe announced it boldly.

To explain the term Sea gypsy. First , its nothing like the Gypsies we understand from the European culture and the fortune tellers. They are the ones who live in the sea more than land, to sail, to fish, to work for a living. The elders will always be out in the sea, leaving the young kids at home, no where to go, no school to attend, know nothing about the big world beyond the sea.

So, what a huge task it is to bring them out from their HOME!! They should go to school, they should start read and write!

So, once again this challenge has fall into the hands of Mercy, and onto the fellow volunteers. Teaching these slums kids are already challenging, what more than sea gypsy kids?
Let set a limit bar?? What is good enough for us to celebrate after that?

"Imagine, a sea gypsy kid going abroad, learning English and other culture..."

Follow ups of my mumblings (click)

Well, the classes turn out to be not as bad as I thought.





The graphic room is filled with colors and laughter. Not to mention the whole excitement after the opposition 'won' in Malaysia's election. That's all I talk about when I am talking with my friends and family. I was energized and determined to show the kids 'grown up' paintings.

Some of them seem reluctant to get out of their own box, where they color using monotones and thick splat of acryllics on canvas. Using logics and lights requires more thinking, and mixing the right color is difficult! But some are like , wow, they never see how much you can do with colour! They are eager to draw something different.

Before this, they are always drawing themes like kids playing, animals, flowers, but nothing specific where they can improve their painting skills. So I started my first class with water color: at the Beach, introducing different techniques with water colors. How to paint the sky, the water the sands,and the trees.

Even the hyperactive boys calm down and focus on their coloring for the short one hour and a half. I am definitely pleased:P.

Not to mention that my 6 years old have graduated from school!
There was this grand ceremony at Mercy where Father Joe will hand out certificates in his PHD robes , asking children in their grad suits to continue schooling despite any circumstances.

" Do you go to school if your father's drunk?"
" Do you go to school if your mothers not around?"
"Do you go to school if you are sick?"
"Do you go to school if it is raining?"

"YEs, yes yes yes!!!!"

Fears and Holidays

For those we don't know, March and April is the end of Semester Break. ALRIGHT.
They just have a one month break on October, didn't seems too long ago.

Actually I contridict myself. I wanted the kids to have holiday because then I can spend more time with them, and know them personally, thus I can have classes in the day time, instead of early mornings and late evenings.

But then, Holiday is nightmare to think about, because its when discipline comes loose. They don't have tight schedule anymore. The mercy centre which based solely on Head over head over group leader over this leader etc ( Imagine how many stations to go for creating an activity) will not have full control to send them to different courses organized by the volunteers based on their individual wants. ( They usually send them in groups)

What will happen when only 2 of them will join the Art Class and the rest of them Recreation? They don't have a data entry to jot down names, nor to find out who goes where. Its freaking scary, if I think of it, what if one didn't show up in both sides? Where are they hiding?

Not to mention that the Centre already send some of them ( dunno how many ) to three or four camps outside Bangkok. Perhaps I am the only one panick about the unknown. How many and who and when? Thinking back in the RCN days, its totally up to us which activity to join and even if there are VIPs coming to college, it is still up to us to decide whether to attend the presentation. So activities are created....what's next, I will only know next week. So far, Me and the new volunteers from Canada, Misty and Jodie, planned 'Recreation', Drawing, Painting, and Dancing.

That is just problems inside Mercy. Out in the streets, holiday is when the kids gone wild. Nope, no guardian in ther house. No locks in the house. No activities, No fun games. Who will they meet during the day, What will they learn?

Although kids are just kids, but think deeper, Its hard to believe that they are still pure as snow. They know how to loosen hardware from the Air-conditioning and break in Staff Rooms to steal metal for money, they know how to get forbidden materials, they have DVDs not to mention what genre it is...I have seeing little boys copying the big boys, breaking hardware into pieces by using their toys as experiment and try to bring it together again.

All these recored that has piled up. Mercy called for an off. Not a day or two. But Two whole months. Mercy 1, the home for older rebelious boys, will be dismissed tomorrow for two months. They will have to cope with their own problems after they committed a crime, not Mercy. Their family, if there are still one, have to cope with these problems too. They have to learn how to deal with the consequences.

So , for two days, bedsheets were taken to wash, Beds are kept, all prepared to leave. Some boys are moody, one wouldn't even focus in his English class, probably the family he has got left, is not someone he loves, not someone he knows deeply to love. Those who have nobody, will be helping in the villa of Mercy, planting veges, and learn about farming.

Lastly, I am not a really good in following up . So this two blogs, from my new friends, will be helpful for those who want to know more.

http://jodieinthailand.blogspot.com
http://mistyinthailand.blogspot.com

A New Friend

If it wasn’t for a childish fight, guess I do not need to go elsewhere besides the office. Browsing through the Mercy Building, where different departments have different staffs running their daily errant, and my footsteps slowly dragged me upwards to the second floor, where the Mercy 6 children are.

It was their afternoon tea-time. Everyday, the house moms would sit around in the slightly smaller benches and long table, monitoring the little ones (age 2 to 6), putting the oddest-yet-somehow-make-sense (for them) color on a dinosaur, a flower, a house or an elephant, the country’s pride. Some are running around playing with their brick toys, sometimes licking it for their own pleasure.

Next to the table, were two baby trolleys; one was pushed around by the little ones, forward and backwards, carrying kids who will stack on each other. The pusher will be the mommy, imitating their house mom when she is doing shopping in the market or bringing the kids when they are sick or sleepy, truth is, mommy’s legs are weak to walk too, and has to depend her weight on the trolley; the ones in the trolley will be giggling and laughing, but cry once in a while when their turn is over, and next child will jump up on one’s lap before one would come down.

The other trolley who will always be at rest beside the activity place, was little Nong Pae. One couldn’t tell her real age by her skinny body and weak legs. She was made blind by HIV virus, and was unable to walk nor speak when she was first sent to Mercy.

With the help of a nurse who has been volunteered to come every week, she is now able to walk and carry on simple conversations such as “ Sawadika”(how are you), “Sabadi”(I am fine), “ chop”(I like), and “di”(good). To my surprise, she smiled to me and waved her hands elatedly when I approached her. She recognized me by my voice!

Before yesterday, I rarely played with her before, but whenever I passed by the house, I will always say hello and bye bye. I have never thought that it would be significant enough to let a person remember me only by that.

So the rest of the afternoon, I was cheered up by little Nong Pae’s effort to make friends with me. She teased her friend, Nong Fon saying that she’s not good but herself is better! She showed me that she could count up till ten with her newly-learned pronunciation skill; clapped her hands to my singing and finally start walking towards my clapping!

It was a new way to know someone. Not by the looks, nor what you wear, but by your voice. Have you try that before?

Papers

Our Wishes for Our Children living with HIV/AIDS

To have anti-viral medicine.Many of our children do not have the citizenship documents required to receive government benefits...

(taken from HDF wish list)

All of us need what we called 'papers' to get around or get what we need. The police in Malaysia put a 18 year old to jail for 6 months upon failing to present his personal identification; Illegal immigrants has to get their way to other countries without valid papers; Hong Kong citizens get to have two passports so they can live elsewhere when the island is too 'packed' or 'politically unsafe'; Malaysians who works or study in Singapore or Australia try to get Permanent Residential Papers so that they could get benefits from the respective coutries, so that their child can have a cheaper education in the country;

I can think of more but right now, I see two urgence of getting papers for the kids at Mercy-- One, to access to education; Two, to get medication benefits from the government.

A very normal story, a bright girl who has just been selected to study abroad. She has the qualities that others don't posses: serious, determined, adventurous, courageous, understanding, but right now she hasn't got the right paper to send her off. She needs to find her birth mom and dad's signature.

The search has been going on even before I was on leave. The staff has brought her all over Bangkok, to ask about her mom's whereabout. A sex worker that has no intention to have a child, this kid was passed around through many hands. To cut the long story short, from neighbours and passer bys, they managed to find her birth dad. First time in her life (how was it certain through this method of looking?) , she has a dad. THey are planning for a second meeting in the holidays. Not the crying and shaking-in-tears , blaming scene I was expecting.

Her mom, still no where to be found. One neighbour has one of her photos from many years ago. That is the only trace...

Story like this happen to many other kids here...all we hope is to help as much as we can.

If this problem cannot be solved, the opportunity of studying abroad might be passed down to the second best choice, someone who does not deserve as much as she does.

Is this a fair fight?

Fire

Its not a very good way to start my first day of work after coming back from New Year.

"There was yet another slum fire in the neighbourhood!"

All the head of departments were at the emergency meeting of aid and relief for the fire that was rumoured to be started off by a candle, electricity circuit or alcoholic maniacs. Whether which one to belief, it is totally up to you, but most of the slum fires were never an accident,says Father Joe.

That afternoon, staffs were busy unpacking boxes and boxes of toothpaste, shampoos, and other neccesities, then I realized the reason behind the abundance of stock back in the storeroom-- For the emergency cases.

There wasn't a sense of panick, more of a situation that has been dealt with pretty often. The tone of the announcement when I first heard, was more like a gossip rather than an emergency. The staffs handle their task with experience. You can't really do any more than being experience, either you support the family with bricks for their new house, or get prepared when their wooden shack is burnt down again by somebody's foolish act.

50 families were affected by the fire. Is it a big deal?

Happy Chinese New Year

One of the most celebrated festival in my life. Just have to go home for it!

So I took a ten days 'leave' , flew back to my parent's hometown, to attend the big family reunion. Probably will not be around for the next few years for it!

Double 'Happiness', that's how we put it in Chinese, its my uncle's ( the youngest brother of my mom) wedding. Rapping it up before it comes to our generation (aiks!)

pic1: the newly weds and my grandparents

pic 2: my beautiful little cousin sis with the balloons

pic3: cousins, uncles, aunts.....


pic4: after the tea ceremony, nieces and nephews getting the big red packets(Ang Paus) from our new family member!

pic 5: at least once a year, we have to come together and wish everyone's healthy and wealthy!!:)

Listening Workshop

It was initially an idea of a Peer counseling Workshop, which the kids can have a 'friend'to talk about their daily problems and perhaps provide some encouragement, comforting advice and just being a person that the kids can trust.

However,Peer counseling is too big a word since counselor often been through professional training and experience. What do we do with the problems of abused kids? What do we do with the kids who had been through sexual harassment? The kids are pretty well protected here, but there are still invisible problems in their heads for sure.

One of the things that is within my strength and ability is to introduce a Listening workshop, for it can help the children in two ways: improving ther skills of receiving information at School and be at ease with their brothers and sisters at Home. Therefore, after referring to various sources and gotten my materials, I started to lead one group of teenagers ( which is my evening English class) through a series of Listening Activities.

First, It was getting anonymous objects in a can and let them Guess what's in it. Then, is to differentiate between Hearing and Listening.
What is the Importance of Listening in Various Occupations? followed by Everyday Problems of Listening, for example: Daydreaming, rushing ahead, putting words in others' mouth, interrupting, etc...then Ways to improve listening, follow by some real discussion in everyday life, which I think is the most interesting part...

My big plan is to have all these into their heads, and made them lead their friends at their houses in Thai, so it is like testing their leadership skills at the same time too!

"Good idea!" Everybody says. However, I could puke and easily have the thought of giving up, because, all the problems I mentioned above about listening, is the problems I am facing when I am teaching these to them, how IRONIC huh?? Yupe, problems of implementing the good idea. Its never a quick process. Right now, I am still at the phase of passing down information. The real Listening Workshop is yet to happen, before all this little leaders are ready.

Worse come to worst, I always have a plan B, which is to ask help from the staffs to assist me in the Workshop.

Let's still have some hope with the teenagers yeah?