A space between myself and the world

I am two months different than before.
I just turned into an adult, waiting to be irresponsible in the college.
I took up a job, that has change my whole life and my perspective about the corporate world.
I hooked up with the past with lots of gatherings and also preparing for the 'bright' unclear future.
I am finding the space between myself and the world...

Having most of my time occupied in the day, working in a hectic environment with the most interesting summer job, I realized I have not been facing myself for a while now. Not to mention that I have left this blog -the medium for me to look into my soul and reflecting my feelings and thoughts untouched, I was also driven into a new pace that I am still not used to.

Funny for me to announce that I have found my key to freedom, where freedom could superficially means getting home late and drinking unconsciously. Many told me that I might be used in the states for buying drinks since I am now in the legal age. Getting into clubs is no longer a trouble. In fact, I am writing this entry just after a night out.

Knowing lots of things about the other parts of the world doesn't mean that I am living my life meaningfully right now. KL is not really a happening scene , or at least My life here doesn't allow me to explore much. I am not finding it out. It amazed me how little i know about my own city when my UWC friends, Cheryl, Mariam , Turid, Maciej and Game came down for a visit. I was busy finding the right train stations and the right restaurant to them. The hippiest chinese restaurant in town to bars on top of the hotel. Perhaps no one would disagree with me when I say missing UWC is more about the conversation than anything else. The conversation which we can all engaged in with understanding and also able to speak our thoughts without fearing much 'taboos'. We are all fighting our own culture taboos in one way or another.

Thanks to luck, my boss allows me to be who I want to be. Our conversations in the office always made my day and life is never dull again. We discuss about various issues from economics to politics and to the future aspect of my career. Being a long time observer of my kind(Chinese), there are always real life example to be brought and lessons learned from trying to choose the right husband. haha. Our culture really does have some ridiculous measures when it comes to career and relationship. Will I ever be influenced or completely got out of it?

The job itself, being involved in a recruitment project for an international company, has been challenging than ever. Two months ago I will never guessed that I could know so much about the oil and gas industry, to such extend that I can communicate with professionals from all over the world where we could discuss about their technical skills and their working experience. I am amazed by how things worked out. Personal Relationship really does influence the outcome of events. One call from a family friend helped tie my relationship with the company and thus the project. If I stay long enough, who knows what other opportunity would come right in front of me ?

Then it was the hooking up. Frankly, I would prefer to be hooked up with new people for new stories. Although it is nice to reminiscing with the past and the clumsy me of year 200x, somehow I am craving to know the inner thoughts of these good old friends. From hill top gathering to fancy karaoke sessions and Mamaks, will there ever be a gathering to discuss about our new interest and new life after separated our paths 4 years ago? I wonder playing in the orchestra means anything to me anymore. Glad that even losing some really important friends in my life, I am able to stand up for the rest. I have to love myself more. Not by creating an image that everybody else expects but to be happy with who I am right now. Every experience helped me evolve and I love the new me even more each day.

I have always enjoy teaching. I came across one orphanage in my city after HDF and I found so much similarities in the children here in my own place and in the Bangkok slums. They are equally smart and tacky and always find ways to seek for love. I have the ability to hang out with the little ones not only in Thai, but also my own language! I am even better teaching drawing in Mandarin. Their stories are equally heart breaking and they made me miss Thailand even more. How much love could I be giving out and how am I going to distribute my love to the a new bunch of people? Is that a simple division or is it more complicated than an advanced math questions?

I really hope that even though I am in a middle of a deadline at work and hectic lifestyle with ongoing events, I will find my space, a space only for myself, before reaching out to a whole new world in a month time.