MERCY ON CNN!(CLICK)

I was right beside Nitaya when the picture was taken!:P

Do I want the opportunity?

The last few days of volunteering have been extremely easy and reluctant. Not much responsibility, even I do, we can’t really stay here to catch on the waves of Mercy or observe the consequences of our work.

As my laptop screen’s crack getting worse each day, which is a big urge for me to get everything on together, including burning all the information off the laptop, getting pictures processed for the kids, getting my art projects in the graphic room done, though I merely make half the progress.

I don’t really think I have made big achievements here, but one of the things that I am proud of most is that I am willing to share my thoughts and insight about the place. I hoped that the scholarships Mercy receive for the UWC could reach out for more candidates, so I suggested a presentation on the school with the sponsorship department. As I have been rejected presenting it in my own high school back in Malaysia. I am aware of the kind of people I am facing and my goal of the day.

Back home, the reason of objecting the presentation is “Why are you giving so many people hope where they can easily settle down in a local college. This scholarship is only for the smart ones and there aren’t many here.”

I felt the protective voice from the teacher. However, I also recognized that this has always been the case for an adult. They always trying to measure what we really want or what we can really succeed as in the future without really know what is really inside our little mind. In this case, Mercy is measuring the needs for the kids in the community.

I wanted to motivate souls like how I used to be moved by even the slightest challenge by a speaker on stage. I want to sing when I hear beautiful melodies, I want to drums along every rhythm I possibly come across and definitely not miss a slightest chance towards a big opportunity to make me into a better person.

Once again I was disappointed because my presentation about studying abroad to the slum kids is not likely to happen. I thought it was due to the absence of a translator, I was a little frustrated and pissed off about it. They seemed to be no solution since all other dates were booked. The clock is ticking and I am off in 16 days.

I went straight into the Manager office trying to ask for another arrangement. Turns out to be there are other reasons behind that.

“Slum kids are different than Mercy kids, but they are not a lot different. They tried their best to not be caught playing dirty, even their parents are among the plan. We gave out scholarship, but we have problems getting them to school. We subsidized stationeries and uniforms by receipts and we caught somebody faking receipts to get extra money. Since school is free, they spend school time selling god knows what on the street to get extra income for their family.”

Although I am not sure how large percentage that these problems happen to the group of hundreds sponsorship kids, I am undermining my own assumption that sponsorship kids will be more ready to face a different challenge than the difficult slum life. If they and their family still need constant monitoring from Mercy staffs, is it up to Mercy to think for them and their children what they need for an education? Half of the students doesn’t even make it to grade 10 and has to attend vocational school. That is not a shame. It is because Mercy stops trying to push them too hard, and push them too far from their own potential. We are praying for miracle to get hungry, deeply influenced by the environment, malnutrition, problematic-with-all-sorts-of-issues kids to do brilliantly at school and would be interested in furthering studies abroad.

That would mean investing more than 50 percent of their time starting from 0 to work on English, conversation, vocabulary and grammar where they could actually go somewhere else and sell t-shirts to earn some pocket money. Studying more doesn’t make their family full. Who am I to blame that they just don’t work hard enough to get good grades?

That is why we have Sister Joan giving milk run to the babies in the slums, just to have the right nutrition for the brain so that they can learn like the other kids. She also makes up for the uniforms, shoes, things to use at school so that the children and their parents can have enough time focusing on their homework instead of the school fees.

“We are helping them to help themselves. It is not a quick process, we must start from the right direction,” say Sister Joan as I was in yet another milk run of hers today.

It is not about me telling others how wonderful my life has been and how much experience I got that has changed my perspective of the world. It is about one having full attendance to school no matter how badly they performed. It is to secure them a place in their own society, not to make them an outsider.

One of our elder boys tried and got disappointed too many times. He was so down and it made the staffs felt guilty trying to make him a Somebody. He is now happily patrolling as a security guard at Mercy.

In the short run, slum kids will not sacrifice time for the fast but little flow of money on a daily basis for the big family. Education level will still remain low. Until enough subsidies is given to a family so that teenagers will not be burdened on supporting their elders and young anymore, will they make a decision by their own whether to learn more about the world beyond the four walls of family, country, the king and their world.

Looks like I am not witnessing it any sooner.

pic: the sea-gypsy kids are the main challenge of Mercy. One little step at each time.

Survivors!!(click)

Everybody thought I would cry myself out after experiencing this incident: ten ten ten ten...
yeah...I was bitten by a dog!!

8 doses of injection all together, plus taking care of the seemingly horrible deep scratch. Yet I have seen more severe cases these few days...

Sai chun, a kid who survived being in a rubbish dump for years, was announced by the doctor, that there is no hope for his eyes...He is going to school for the blind next Tuesday, learning braille, and he is excited about it.

The slum community has to survive the price inflation of the Rice, even the 5 year-old kindergarten kids were discussing about it!

A dear friend of my friend, who was always the smartest and top of the class, was put into coma two years ago after a motorcycle incident, could only blink his eyes. Today I saw him walking and talking to his best friends in a wedding, catching up the old days. Although he still speaks slowly and unable to read or write, he is determined to be a normal person again.

The kids at mercy don't get much pocket money, but I am lucky enough to see how they got extra money, by trading their favourite toy under one's pillow for 50 baht with the other kids. They sealed the deal quietly, skillfully, quickly!

Jodie and Misty are not worry bout adapting in Bangkok, rather how different they will be when they go back home. I wonder the same applies to me, seems that I have to work it out one more time.

'The Eagles catching little chicks' game that we used to play back home, it is called the " Father kidnapping child " here.

Hope there will be more survivors in Burma and China!

After making Sago cake with the AIDS patients, I got to know the patients so much more and we became close friends. However, the hospice is not an area of long stay. Those who got healthier will go home. I have to say goodbye to some of them next week. They are the survivors for the decease since they are able to live a relatively normal life compare to the rest.

Galong , a down-syndrome man in his 40s came back from the other province of Thailand. He got skinnier because he is missing his house father of 15 years, the elder boys home had been dismissed, due to attitude problems and he has lost his family. He has to stay with the younger boys now.

M, a mercy 1 kid who is in temple due to attitude problems, stole from a monk's room! He will stay in detention in the temple ...

We finally put up a workshop with Jodie teaching about how to help kids with autism. I tried to translate some of it and left the rest to the more experienced nurse. A success I think!

Hope you may find these survivor stories inspiring for you too!

What they told you about the scary border, its true.

So I have to get out from Thailand because my visa is expiring. The best, cheapest and easiest way, one staff told me, is to act like Gamblers and hop into the Bus specially for Gamblers to go to the Casinos at the Cambodian Borders. Yeah, 9 Casinos are there right after the immigration office.

Well, when I said best, cheapest and easiest, you can imagine the disadvantages of that. People from around the world will flow in to get stamps from the officer just to stay longer in Thailand for example. It is not the safest place to start off with.

First Incident was the bus. Getting up the bus is easy, but they have to charge double the price because I am not Thai. " We will have to explain to the officer, " They said. Thai price- 100Baht, Me- 200Baht. It wasn't exactly rip off since its so cheap still. So I didn't mind it.

3 hours later, I arrived at the border.

It wasn't at all the border I was imagining in my head. It was more of like a market place with full of locals(Cambodians) wandering around, muddy, with kids carrying babies, begging.
The signs were not really clear that it is a border instead of a market. Once in a while, English words popped out and say " Foreigners, turn here", then it got lost again.

Getting from the departure hall is easy, but in the Cambodian borders, things were starting to get messy. I have locals following me and tell me that they are showing me the way to the immigration office. But what really happened is they will lead me to a room where all the officers are chatting and eating, and then occasionally looked up at me.

"500 baht", they said, " Then you can leave here at no time".

I have read from the internet that it is totally free for Malaysians to get stamps and we don't even need a visa to stay in their country. So I refused , saying that I have no money, and then I walked further down the road, still one person is following me.

Still no English plates. I guessed I looked lost, that is why this guy is ' trying to help', only to asked for tips at the end. Then the prices started to decrease as I walked further down the road. 300, 200, but I still refused to do that.

Finally, I met with two kind Malaysians who has been working in Minburi, Thailand for a while. I felt relieved right after hearing them speaking Hokkien, the chinese dialect that I am familiar with. Immediately I asked for rectification in Chinese. They said the officers will always do that if we tell them I am only here for the day, since we are "taking advantage" of them.

The officers, having my passport, waiting for my payment, got the clue that I understand after I talked to these two men. So , he just quickly returned my passport without any word.

I walked myself back to the Bus. Again they charged me for 200 Baht, which I have expected. Then, I thought I will be going home comfortably. How stupid, borders are always full of surprise and adventure!

One officer went up the bus and checked our passports. Turns out that one Cambodian has sneaked in to our bus. Aiks! More questioning and checking for the rest of the hour before the bus can really continue the journey.

All these , including the dramas, took me 10 hours to get back to Bangkok. I am still thankful I guess, because , it is still the cheapest, fastest, easiest way to get out and in from a country.

the River Cruise

pic 0: vanessa and the kids on the boat

pic 1: the kids getting the plants out from the river

pic 2: me and Bird, notice my new hairstyle!

pic 3: from near, Sai chun, Misty and fook on the paddle boat at Lumphini Park

pic 4: the Grand palace from the river cruise

Another trip to the Chao Phraya River within 7 days, thanks to Vanessa generosity. This time, I suggested to bring my fellow house mates (Jodie called them outcast of Mercy 2) Bird( a boy with autism), Sai Chun ( is getting blind) and Fook ( has weak IQ).

Fook has never been on the boat trip, he is new to the Mercy family, hence he has been elated the whole time, he named and shouted every thing he saw from the trip; Sai Chun vision is getting worse, so he has to depend on Misty’s Camera screen to see the beautiful scenery along the river; while Bird has longed for freedom for sometime now, most of the summer holiday, he spent time with himself, sitting at a corner of the house, talking with his imaginary friend or studying the pictures from the outdated baby magazines.

Chao Phraya River was filled with floating plants. None of us knew where those plants come from. According to the boat driver, they were floated in from Ayutthaya due to heavy rainstorm. Even the cyclone in Burma has something to do with these plants too I guess. So it is no wonder the boat is so much slower, avoiding ‘traffic’ of leaves, the kids didn’t even get to play with the water.

I am not gonna "ooooo" and "aaaaaa" about the whole departing from the hi-class Oriental hotel and the pretty delicious picnics, for me, the nicest part is to see Bird , Fook and Sai Chun having some time out. After saying good bye to Vanessa, Misty, Jodie and I brought them to the Lumphini Park. Once again, we sat on the paddling boats, taking pictures while the boys were in action, bumping into each other, seeing the greenery, feeding the fish etc.

Vanessa is an international photographer who has been visiting Mercy for five years. She has been taking pictures of the Mercy kids and produced a book called ‘Slaughterhouse Angels’. Faces that I known by heart will be published throughout the world and all profits will go to Mercy Centre. Funny thing is the kids don’t even know how famous they will be in the next few months.

I seemed to do a great job translating English to Thai throughout this trip. Applause!!!

"I am not a perfect person... "there goes my ringtone(click)

I am not a perfect person...there's many things I wish I never do....

Since high school graduation, this song has embedded in my head, reminding me how fragile is human and they will never be perfect. We are facing a journey in a place that is called "society" and that place is never as beautiful as high school's life.

Thinking back the stories I have heard and experienced the past few days, there is no reason for me to be sad about life, but celebrate every moment, every mistakes, every conflict that I am facing...

My dear friend Ju liang, is still facing the task that is given by God and looking forward to life after his winding road ( www.forgiven-by-grace.blogspot.com) . Ever since meeting him last August, I have always prayed for his recovery from a sickness that rarely hit a teenage like him. I lost touch for a moment when I didn't receive reply from him via SMS during his 21st birthday, which is on the same day as my sister, only to find out that he is receiving treatment in Singapore . What a relief!

My blind little friend, Nong Pae, has started school in a school for blind. For one month, I have missed seeing her walking around with her wheel supporter in Mercy 6. As I finally approached her last Wednesday, I was really worried that she might not remember me.

"Nong Pae, do you remember me? How are you?"

Two minutes passed by, and finally, I found a grin from her sleepy face. She continued to be so happy and elated, and she showed me skills that she could finally do by her own. She could get up and get down from her bed by herself, eat her meal by herself, touch the right part of body as we say it and is all excited for her new school !

I met two new friends from the AID hospice too. One was a he, she now calls herself Nancy, an outgoing person who loves to meet people from different culture. His arrival in the ward is what connects the volunteers to all other patients. Through her, we see other patients as individual and friends that we will be starting to care in the future. Ma ma, on the other hand, is a 51-year-old women who is a hard worker her whole life. From nail pedicure to sewing and making up for the opera performers, she raised her 32-year-old son independently. Who would thought her partner of 7 years was cheating her and gave her the virus?

Congratulations to my dear cousin Ian, who got a full scholarship to Singapore, and my dear sister , who is preparing for Canada!

Jealousy, insecurity, disrespectful, culturaly justifiable attitudes, Please leave me alone!